The connecting power of ‘magical questions’

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found in your pocket? What topic could you give a 20-minute talk on with no preparation? What’s a path you almost took but didn’t?

If you find yourself immediately wanting to reply to these queries, there’s a reason, says Priya Parker, a conflict resolution facilitator. They were designed to spark curiosity and elicit a response. She calls them “magical questions.”

“A magical question is a question that everyone in your group is interested in answering” and hearing the answers to, says Parker, who hosts a video series on the topic on her Instagram page.

She likes asking them in group settings because they have the power to cut through small talk and reveal people’s personalities. And people don’t need to agree or have the same tastes or experiences to answer.

Priya, what are some of the qualities of a magical question? 

They help people feel like not just a blob, but a group of individuals. And they help you know something about somebody.

They can also be a jumping off point for other types of conversations, you say. 

How can we come up with our own magical questions? 

Recently, someone on my Instagram shared that she discovered a magical question while she was in art class. People were talking about how quitting work was contagious.

So she asked, “What’s everyone’s favorite quitting story?” Whether they were a musician, a consultant or a teacher, everyone had a story.

[The question worked] because it was related to the conversation at hand.

What’s an example of a not-so-great magical question? 

You have a prompt to help people practice coming up with magical questions. 

Imagine you are speaking to a group of dentists. What is the opening question you’d ask them?

What was your favorite toothpaste flavor as a kid? Or maybe I’d ask if they expect me to answer their questions when they have their hands in my mouth! 

I love it. Your first question is relatively equalizing. Every single dentist was once a child themselves.

It sounds like what’s required is attunement and presence. Speaking of which, what’s the best way to bring up a magical question in conversation? 

In some friend groups or group chats, you can be like, “Y’all, I heard about this amazing thing called ‘magical questions.’ Are you game?” Like, yes!

In other places, some people are deeply allergic to anything that feels like an icebreaker. As in all of life, read the room.

More magical questions from Priya Parker 

What’s a gift someone gave you that offended you?

What is one rule you had growing up that looking back now, you think was totally unnecessary or even a little funny?

What are three gifts you would give aliens on behalf of humanity?

When was the last time you used glitter?

When was the last time you blew up a balloon with your own mouth?

What is a favorite building in your community? When did it become so?

The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@.org.